In recent years, with the prevalence of social media, self control has become a topic sought after by almost everyone. It used to be people pursuing certain goals or those battling their vices and addictions who would seek out self control tools. However, with our daily lives as comfortable as ever, it’s becoming exceedingly difficult to resist the endless pressures being forced onto us.
Want to procrastinate? There’s a growing pile of interesting and satisfying videos on YouTube!
Feel like traveling or just getting away? Tap and you have attractive images of people in places you wish you were!
Have an urge? The Internet has whatever that can satisfy you right away.
But it gets even better (worse)!
All these websites are designed and updated regularly to get you to come back. They satisfy just enough to leave you craving. They reinforce dopamine pathways and reward your brain with every tap. So the more you use them, the more ingrained they become. Now, you think you’ll take a break? Good luck with that because it is not a purely individual thing! The addictive online spaces we frequent also have their cultural value. All of our friends and colleagues, our mentors and idols, everyone is in the place we want to take a break from. Stepping away from these online platforms almost makes us feel guilty. We think “how will I stay informed about my friends?” or “How can I not be there to like and somment to support those I like?” And add the fear of missing out from event invitations and group chat conversations and you have a more accurate understanding of the complexity. With all of this, it’s still possible to get a break. It just remains extremely difficult to do.
Now, this isn’t supposed to be a depressing rant about issues with our modern capitalistic and consumerist culture. I’m saying all this to clarify how difficult it truly is to go against the tides and assume some control over our daily lives. But such control over our own actions, such agency, is truly the most important of skills to develop, now more than ever.
Aside from the external challenges with Self-control, we also face numerous inner challenges. Once the option of using technology to escape is gone, we have one choice to make: acknowledge and deal with the resistance within or to avoid it by doing anything else. This resistance is basically the sum of all the signals within our mind to not do the task we have planned to do. The popular belief is that whomever overcomes this force of resistance, does so by using self-control. While this belief is not wrong, it is also not fully correct. Accurate interpretations would, in effect, be how we practice self-control. The set of behaviours and strategies that stem from this accurate interpretation would lead to control over our actions, against external pressures.
So if self-control is merely the use of a set of tools and strategies, why can’t we and why don’t we all use them whenever we want? It’s for the same reason that different people are more or less skilled at their profession; they have a more holistic and realistic understanding of their reality and manage all the tools and capabilities, according to a long-term plan that is updated regularly.
Seeing things as they truly are
So much of the frustration and disappointment we feel comes from not having our expectations met. You can try to be reasonable with your expectations and try to expect less with others, but I have realized that often, letting go of all expectations is the wisest decision. Why? because expectations about other people’s behaviour is like estimations about the weather: as close as you might be, you also might be completely wrong. So accept that what other think, do and say is not in your control, but what remains, always, in our power is to be unaffected by their actions. Live in a way that you will be self-reliant and self-sufficient and expect only natural things from life itself. But when dealing with people, when its pleasent, appreciate it and when it isn’t chose to care about what matters more and let it go.
But also remember that struggling with productivity might not be only a self-control issue. Productivity is a subjective assessment and is often set unrealistically high. It shouldn’t and doesn’t matter more than being happy or living a good life. These days, so many pursue productivity like a fetish, they want it for itself. Remember that as long as you do what matters ever moment, you are fine and “productive” enough. Most struggles with productivity come from being unclear about the objectives and mismanaging our resources (especially time). So be clear about what you must do, how and when and then make a simple but effective plan to follow. Remember the plan is like a map to go up a mountain, you sometimes might have to take a different path or change things so just do what you need.
So how do we set all these worries aside and start to get our work done like professionals? To be a professional and do the work every day is a process and a practice. This means struggles remain and challenges will be faced every day. In general, the shortness of life must be on our mind. Remembering the fact that we have a limited time to live and do all that we love and enjoy helps with this. We are often like athletes who step onto the court and then stand like a spectator only to start moving once the match has ended. We do this with our life also! How many of us set aside our true desires to try later in life? We work to afford doing what we love, instead of doing what we love, how devastatingly funny! However, what matters is this moment. When you recognize you have wasted your time, know that you must be as effective as possible in that moment. You have less time and the task remains? Then do the best you can with what you have left. That’s not just the only thing you can do but also the best you can do then, so be fine with it. Afterwards, do not regret but learn lessons and live accordingly.
Orange Stoic 