We Hate too much

We hate too much.

You might think that I’m talking about our current social and political climate but despite the importance of large-scale relations and societal affairs, I think it is crucial to first make it clear for ourselves, how we choose and want to act individually. Thats why, my focus is actually on interactions and behaviours that we have ourselves, either with ourselves or with those who we come in contact with.

We can generally divide the moments in which we hate as either being about serious matters or trivial matters. The serious matters are those in which we feel that the hate is more justified and “appropriate” and the trivial matters are those in which, If we were to look back and talk about them, we would agree that the word hate is not accurate.

With regards to the feeling that we are having, moments of serious nature are moments when we do feel what we would describe as hate. Moments that are more trivial give a discomfort that we feel, and we tend to use the word hate casually to describe them.

Serious matters

These more “appropriate” moments occur in interactions with others, but also in interactions with ourselves. Often, if we have an experience where we are not satisfied with the way we reacted or responded we would say I hate myself. And sometimes when we interact with others, they might do something that frustrates us and there is often a feeling of frustration along with it. The frustration brings up an uneasy deep feeling of anger, which we would characterize as hate.

Now, people who discriminate and look at others with a certain trait or background and say clearly and consciously “I hate them” are besides the point. Most people who are self-aware and reasonable would not consciously say that they hate another and yet in those moments when they are angered and frustrated deeply, even they, themselves, would describe their actions as hateful. This can be seen when people who commit hateful crimes apologize in trials and say that they were “caught up in the heat of the moment”.

Anger is a very important aspect of this. Because unless we are self aware and self conscious of the feeling of anger that arises, we will not be able to adequately respond to the feelings and emotions. This anger is often the result of frustration from people or situations that frustrate. They do so because we see reflections of our own deeper insecurities within them.

Trivial matters

Trivial matters would be moments of discomfort that we exaggerate and use the expression of I hate this. I would argue that it is important to not use the word hate also in these moments. Because it takes away from our proper understanding of the word hate. We get the impression that we do in fact hate to different degrees.

It’s true that you could hate someone who has stolen something from you, less than someone who has dealt more harm to you. However, it remains that unless the perceived harm or actual harm is not to a certain extreme degree, the word hate would be inappropriate. Also, we should use words as the labels that they are and be accurate with noticing and calling things as they are. A practice of inaccuracy in one domain leads to the habit of inaccuracy in other domains. Unless one is very conscious and aware and deliberately being inaccurate in some domains, which is rarely the case.

Long Story Short

To put in simple terms, feelings of frustration and anger do occur but acting on them is never justified. When we are emotional, we have let go of reason. This is harmful to us and to those around us. We need to see and identify clearly and objectively the feelings we are experiencing and should try our best to avoid labelling them as anything else. How else could we solve an issue if we don’t recognize it as one? We finally need communication because without it, no progress can be made. No person is an island unto themselves and no society survives without connections between its members.